Can't believe that I already fell off the wagon and haven't posted everyday. Well, I have kept up with my Bible study. I think I need to supplement my study with some mixins from the Old Testament and Psalms. I have been thinking about a good commentary to use. I think it is important to know the historical context, but it's difficult because I don't want someone else to tell me what to think .It is difficult to assert which ones are the most biased. I looked into different translations this weekend. Some people feel very strongly about it. I am very happy with mine and don't see a reason to change, but it is ridiculous that Christians let such little things get in the way of working together.

Some people think your version or whether you play music in church are important. In all reality, this doesn't matter a whole lot. The only thing that matters is a church's and each individual Christians decision about Jesus Christ, either He is the Son of God and died for us and rose again or He didn't. We need to stop squabbling about these things. In devotion yesterday reading in Mark, Jesus tells the greatest commandments. Neither was about the color of the carpet or musical instruments or any other thing that Christians fight about. Jesus said we are to love God with everything we have and we are to love our neighbors as ourselves.

I have been feeling so happy lately. I have kept my sinning to a minimum and have not tried to hide my failings from God. It is difficult to admit all of the things that I do wrong and it is unsettling to have to admit and see how black and gross I am, but it always better to acknowledge it. I have been so peppy lately and just want to listen to music and walk around outside and bebop around. There I have been times when I was running from God, when I did not want to admit even to myself, how disgusting and low of a person I am. In times like that, I couldn't even listen to the music I like, because it would be like lying to myself. I mean, if I sit there and rock out to a song about how God has forgiven me and I am living in sin...it just feels wrong. Depending on how long it took me to confess my sins and talk to God, I went a long time without doing the things I like. Church is no fun if all you feel is guilt, that is point, but it is still not pleasant. I have no desire to ever deny my sinfulness again. I would rather admit it and run to God and talk to Him and love Him and be joyful and want to dance, than sit at home and browse the web looking for distractions so I don't have to think about God or my own darkness.

I will always be sinful, but as I get closer to God, I do not want to do those things as much, and I do not get as much pleasure from them as I did. It is nothing to rocking out to my music and praising God with my voice and skipping around campus in my bare feet loving him. There is nothing better than being with God.

Spiritual Refresher

Today I was very tired, not physically. I am not even sure what exactly was wrong, everything just felt wrong. I had this vague feeling of sickness in my stomach and I was not very friendly to my friends and I left English class early with that same vague feeling of sickness.

I was emotionally and spiritually drained. I have had an eventful few days, and it has been very trying in those two areas of my life and then added to that was an english paper I completely forgot about and a loss of appetite and things were not looking so hot for this Thursday.

I have been struggling to keep up with my daily Bible readings lately. I have a schedule that I got from a youth initiative to read the New Testament straight through in a year. I have been very spiritually weak and haven't wanted to deal with God in the past two days. I have not wanted to pray or hear Him critic me and condemn my sins. I wanted to be content and happy, but I wasn't because I was missing out on my relationship with God.

I have been wanting to read, but every time I've picked up a book in the last two days I have looked at my Bible and knew that I should be reading that. I was not keeping up with my Bible readings, which I think are not optional but essential like homework, and this kept me from relaxing. I did not want to deal with God. I was tired of being chastised for my sins and wanted a break.

Tonight I read my Bible. I did not want to and starting was difficult. I read the chapters out loud beginning with Mark 7 and as I read I took down notes and it became easier and I read and I did not want to stop. I was getting tired and I would get distracted by thoughts of the day but when that happened God would pull me back and I would beg forgiveness and keep going. I was several days behind my schedule, but tonight I caught up to where I should have been.

Even though it was difficult to start it was a wonderful thing to experience God. It was a refresher and reminded me what is important and that I have to treat the Word and the reading of the Word as important. If I treat It as important and act as if It is important, it will become real to me. I acted on what I knew rather than what I felt and it released pent up frustrations of the day and allowed me the chance to draw closer to me Savior. I am happy I did it. I have been feeling sick and over worked, even though I do not work too much, but reading the Bible gave me the alone time I have been missing over the past few days.

I just needed a few moments to myself, to quiet the world and listen to God. God did not speak loudly or harshly to me today. Today God whispered and nudged because He knows what I can take and how I am feeling at every moment. Today God knew I needed a break; He knew it better than I did. He knew I needed to be alone, and I had not realized it yet. He gave me my alone and spoke softly to me, tenderly to me because that was what I needed. God gave me the break I did not know I needed. It turns out I did not need a break from His chastisement, I needed a break from the wearies of the world and from my sins.

I love you all, my brothers and sisters in Christ, Delanie

Prayer Tables

This morning at around ten o'clock I was walking across a little bridge that connects two parts of USC's campus. This bridge I have walked on a many times to get to and from class. Today there was a table set up on the bridge. It is a table I have seen once before, perhaps more. There were two men there and a sign hanging off the table that said "Prayer" and another word but I walking by on too much of a mission to notice it.

The guys were speaking to the people walking by and asking "Is there is anyway we can pray for you?" "Can we pray for you?" I walked by. I felt guilty. I have things they could pray for. My friend that I have a great love and a great burden for, for one thing. To stand up and not be ashamed, which I was right at that moment, because I did not want anyone to see me standing at that table and look at me as if I had done something wrong. It wasn't a confessional, but I still felt that is what people would see.

I walked by and at the end of the bridge, a little past the end actually. I turned around. The whole walk down, I was thinking of things I could have asked to pray for. I as ashamed of myself for ignoring these men and the good work they were trying to do. Even I, would not give them anything to work with. How could they hope to do any real work?

I went back and walked up to the two boys and he asked me "How can we pray for you?" They are having a pray service tonight and got out a piece of paper for me to write down my problems on. I do not know how well I articulated what I was feeling, it would have been easier to speak with them, which I thought was the idea. But they were still doing something wonderful, they will still be prayer warriors for these people who had the guts and the trust to take them on their offer

I should never walk by them. I should stop and help, I should tell them what I am facing. I do not know these guys. I have never met them, but we share something so deep and so real and so relevant, that I could have stopped and poured out my soul. I could have told them what I have been facing with unbelievers and pressure here in this academic setting. There is a connection with these men that I don't have with some friends. In a certain way, these boys can understand me better than my closest friend here.

Those two guys and I, are not so different. We can relate and share something that my closest friend will never understand unless something in his life changes. Any blessings God has granted me, would be useless to tell this friend. But these men that I have never met, they would be able to understand and smile and say "God is good." And God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good.

Lord, I pray for the chance to share my fears of the world and my hopes of Your Kingdom, with my close friends. I pray that they would know You and be able to honor You and see and understand the wonders of Your Kingdom, Your people, Your mercy. Lord, I need a support system. I have found that the more I talk about what You have done for me, the more support I have from those who believe. People I would never expect have encouraged me and shown me Your love and support. And I have decided that when we are loud, and when we are not ashamed, then we give encouragement to those who may be feeling a little alone. I have felt alone God. I have felt that no one understands but You. And You do understand all things, even all things that go on in my heart and my mind. But as I follow You and run after You more, I realize that I am far, far from alone, and that I have a massive support system. I realize that even if all of my friends and all my family that love You and know Jesus, were unreachable, I would be able to talk to any believer. You have placed believers all over the world, and no matter where I am or what I am doing, someone will be there. Even if I do no know them, we share Jesus in common and the Holy Spirit within us and I will be able to connect to that person in a way that is extraordinary.

And it is extraordinary that I can have such a level of trust and involvement with other people simply because they know You as well. That is amazing to me. Those two guys, are a part of my support system, if I need it. You have given me all the support, I could ever want. And You do not send us out alone.

I wrote this earlier today, comments in brackets are new thoughts on the topic but not original in the moment. Hamlet is a name I have given one of my close friends, and not his actual name. The names I use in my posts may or may not be the person's real name depending on the situation.

Today I received an opening to begin witnessing to a friend from English class. He said that he has never really known a person who believes in God.

He saw my Bible and asked if that was what it was. I said yes and then later that day he asked my about it. Asked me if I believed in God; he told me he didn't. He found it hard to believe in something that he couldn't see.

I was not very articulate and did not say very much about Jesus. I said that when He died, the took away every thing that I had ever and will ever do wrong.

I think there is an opening there. It was interesting to know that many people in his country don't believe in God. I suppose I have known of such things but I have never truly acknowledged it. To me, God is everywhere, at least He reveals Himself in many things, all things. [I realize now that this actually no different from Hamlet's thoughts, but he has never said them so plainly, of perhaps I have ignored them. I do not know why it was so strange to me. I do not assume everyone is a Christian but when taken by surprise it is difficult to understand that not everyone is exposed as much as I was. And not everyone was raised in the Bible Belt and that not everyone has experienced the Living God.]

God I pray for the opportunity to share with my friend and to tell him about what Jesus has done for me. It was a curios feeling, having him ask me about my faith. He has never known a Christian, never even a person that believed in God. He wanted to know what I was like. It was as if I was something new to him. I would like the chance to show him just what a person who believes in the Most High God can be like. I would like to show him Jesus' love and reveal Jesus' passion to him. I would like to be God's hands and feet. I want to go.

Religion Majors

I mean no disrespect to any religion majors, nor to any who are learned in the Word. I understand that an individual can be instructed by others. I understand that my pastor has insights I would never have, at least not for a very long time. I understand all of this and am thankful to the men who have dedicated their lives to teaching others the Word of God. They are invaluable, however I wish to pose my problems against a backdrop of those who think they are more knowledgeable and you can never attain that knowledge. The classes taken may teach things I do not know, but no amount of teaching, no position of authority is guarded from being wrong. I very well could obtain knowledge that a person with more learning and more status does not have. We must be open to insights from all sources, but I do maintain that only people who share a foundation in the Lord Jesus Christ, have anything valuable to say about the Word. They may make me think, they may come up with points that help me understand my beliefs better, but they cannot properly argue with me, because they do share my foundation, my premise.

So I will give it to you unchanged from my Facebook post "The Difficulties of College Life cont:Religion Majors"

I am facing a problem with one of my friends. He is completely skeptical about my beliefs. I cam cool with that, what I am not cool with however, is the fact that he tries to prove me wrong. He picks fights basically. His girlfriend, is a religion major. I have never had a conflict with a religion major and have yet to do so, but, he brings her up as if she is some expert on the topic because she is religion major.

He compared me to someone with their fingers stuck in their ears saying "Nananananana" to keep from hearing facts.

Religion majors, I have decided, have no bearing on me, they are not theology majors, they are not in seminary, many are not even Christians, many perhaps have little belief in any higher power. Who should go to them and believe their talk about religion. Their presuppositions about what is true, hinders their ability to see what is.

I have decided that God has given me authority to read His word and understand it for myself, I may not understand everything in it yet, and maybe I never will, but I have the authority to know a part of God. God the infinite, the unknowable. I think that the proper way to deal with religion majors, and others who try to engage me in arguments and bicker over things I am no expert in (such as biology and history), I need not bicker with.

As Gandalf says, "I did not come here to bandy crude words with a witless worm."

No offense to her, but the Lord has blinded the wise and revealed these things to children. I may a fool, I may be naive, but maybe that's exactly what God wants.

Do not let us be drawn into arguments. We do not have to find outside proof of the Bible's validity and inerency. It is valid. It is never wrong. And mismatches between the Bible and science, is a misinterpretation of the Bible, or inaccuracy of the conclusions the scientists have drawn.

We need to stop fighting with non-believers over trifling things. We do not have to prove the Bible to them, we merely have to tell them what God has done for us, that Jesus died, and that He rose again on the third day, so that we may never be burdened by our sins again. After that, it is up to God. The Lord brings the harvest, in ways we may never understand. Jesus says in the parable of the sower in Mark 4:27 after the man scatters seeds that "he sleeps and rises-night and day, and the seed sprouts and grows-he doesn't know how." I need to remember that I do not need to convince a religion major, it is likely they have made their choice. I am commanded to be a witness to the things God has done for me and the death Jesus died for me. I do not need to be a religion major, a theology major even, I do not need to become a biologist, or a physist to prove my points; the Bible is true, becuase it is the Word of God. Jesus is the way, because He was God's son, and He bridged the gap. The Bible tells us this.

All of the theology and geology and astronomy in the world, will never dispute that. Can never prove that wrong. It is true, and as Buddha says "Three things cannot be long hidden; the sun, the moon, and the truth."

Challenge the First.

This is my first post from Facebook. It was the beginning of my journey to tell others what was happening in my life and to encourage them to look past the things of this world and see God. I wrote on a spiritual high and was so pumped up. I had just received my passion for telling the world and not hiding. I was shouting and pumping my fists and virtually screaming it out. I was loud. I was likely obnoxious. I wanted so badly to scream and yell and tell the world. Well, this is what I found out that I couldn't wait to tell the world:

Have you ever thought that is easy to say that I want faith to move mountains? It is easy to say "I would do that if I had the chance, I would be like Peter and step out of that boat, I mean come on Jesus was walking on the daggum water!" Yeah easy to say. I have found it is much harder to resign yourself to looking stupid.

There is not a big Christian community at USC. I am here where people are educated, they are knowledgeable about the world, they just know things, things I will never know. I will never be a physicist, never a biologist, but I do not have to be. They look at me as if I am species they have never seen. They wonder how I can be educated and seeking more education and not doubt my Savior. It is simple to me, I do not think anything they say contradicts the truth God has given me, and if it does then they are wrong. Someone has misinterpreted something somewhere at least.

All I mean to say is that it is more difficult to bow down on you knees in public here than to move a mountain. All I mean to say that we are not typically called to move mountains, but we very well may be called to bow down and pray out on campus. I was. God has called me to talk to a friend who has no faith. God has called me to love him, to be his light in this world.

God has never called me to move a mountain, raise the dead, heal the sick, or walk on water. He has called me to much harder things. Never think our lives are not extraordinary. God has called us to be extraordinary. Even if our professors think we are deluded fools and our peers laugh behind our backs, we will bow down and let others see, we will not hide our devotion, our adoration, or love. So bow down next to that bench when He calls to you fall on your knees and pray.

This blog is a documentation of my walk with God. It will contain mistakes. I am on a journey, not everything I say is Gospel truth, in fact much of it, most it maybe will be wrong. I am documenting this journey so that someone, even if that someone is me, will see what a walk with God can look like. I do not claim to be the typical Christian, I do not even know what exactly that means. All I know is that I have wondered what a real Christian life looks like. I always want to know thoughts and feelings, I am giving others a chance to see into my mind, get a taste of what I think, see, feel, and know. I expect that conclusions I reach in the beginning of this year long journey will change as I grow in closer to God and in my walk with Him my understanding of His Word will change. I do not know what will come of this project. I do not know who will read it. It does not matter much. I will write it and see what change God makes in me. I have taken up a challenge to read the New Testament this year, a chapter a day excluding Saturday and Sunday. I am not always on time with it and sometimes have to make up my reading on my days off. I do not want to simply read it. It would not take me a year to do so. I want to meditate on it, I want to revel in it, I want to know the Word inside and out, I want revelations. God willing, I will get some. I have been reading since January and recently have truly been walking with God more and more. I think I overuse the word walking, but I can think of little else. I have not become a much better person per say, but I have received a burden for the lost and a desire to tell everyone, anyone, what God has revealed to me. I have never felt that way before, apart from short bursts after highly emotional spiritual events such as camps, missions trips, and revivals.

I want to see what God will do with me. I have a desire to help people and for a week or so I have been burning to tell Christians to not be ashamed of the Gospel. It is difficult to get up and say "Jesus is Lord." But this is another message, one I have written and will soon post. It was my first big revelation, after salvation, and it started me on this path to better myself, through meditating on God's word, being His feet. To actually go and do.

I hate cliches. I dislike common words that Christians use that have lost meaning. I try to find phrases to replace them. There is nothing wrong with the words themselves but to me, they are so often used that we forget their meaning. Like when we take Communion, we forget what we are there to remember. We are there to remember Jesus' death on the cross and the sacrifice He gave, but often we do not, we say the words and go on with our lives and drink the grape juice and think it tastes good. "This is my body which was broken for you." It is actually a hard message, to eat His body and drink His blood. In taking what Jesus has given, we receive life, and life more abundant and free.

And so, I introduce you to myself and to a journey that I don't know the end to. I will stop here, and pray that in your perusal of my blog, you will come to the understanding that Jesus is all you need, and any questions you have will one day be answered. I pray that you will understand that you never know what will happen or who you will meet, and that no Christian is perfect, no matter how they may seem.